Conspiracy Theories
by Angii and the Gnome
Summary: The BOM asks the eternal question: How exactly DOES Xavier pay for all that stuff anyway?


Conspiracy Theories  
By~Angii and the Gnome (Otherwise known as Angii Himemiya and Jerome...respectively speaking of course ^_~!)  
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Author Notes-  
  
Jerome- Lookie! Our first attempt at co-writing a fic...Yeah!  
Angii- *Groans* It's not THAT big a deal, now let's just explain how this piece of insanity came into being shall we Gnome boy?  
Jerome- Stop being mean to me!!!! *Runs out of room*  
Angii- *Sweatdrop* Idiot. Anyhou, this is a demented little fic that me and my cuz Jerome...AKA 'the Gnome' and myself decided to write....  
Jerome- *Returns to interrupt his cuz * QUIT CALLING ME GNOME!!!!!!!  
Angii- *Rolls eyes* As I was saying...*Meaningful cough*...This fic was the result of extreme cabin fever due to an overload of snow.... *Embarrassed* and our collective obsession with X-Men Evolution! *Smirks* It features the BOM Boys trying to come up with explanations for how Xavier comes up for all that cash he needs to run the school!  
Jerome- *Jumps around insanely* NOT TO MENTION LOTS OF ANGST!!! ANGST!!!! KILL, KILL, DIE, DIE!!! EVERYONE DIE!! *Laughs manically*  
Angii- *Wacks Jerome and screams* WE ARE NOT KILLING ANYBODY! THIS A HUMOR FIC REMEMBER? Besides what is with you and angst?  
Jerome- Do not you know the true wonders of angst?! *Launches into long drawn out speech, which everyone ignores*  
Angii- *Hours later ... waking up from nap* Huh? Wha? What were you saying again?  
Jerome- *Sigh* You did it ... again  
Angii- Oh yeah, your angst speech...*groans*...I tell ya it's worse than a marathon of John Agar movies! But as one last final note that any inaccuracies with certain people being out-of-character, plot holes, bad grammar, syntax problems, or whatever else you can find wrong with this fic is...*intentional pause*...the sole fault of Jerome!  
Jerome- *stunned* WHAAAATTT??!! THEY ARE NOT!  
Angii- Sure they aren't! *Rolls eyes* ...And neither us owns X-Men Evolution or any of the characters therein....oh but if we did! Can you Imagine the damage we'd cause? *Rubs hand together in wicked glee* He-hehe! Oh the possibilities!  
Jerome- *Shakes head in dismay* Poor demented soul! In any event, enjoy the fic folks~!   
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Scene- ... At whatever hovel the Brotherhood of Mutants calls home. (Don't ask us where they live! WE DON'T KNOW! It is a only cartoon after all! Gee~sssh!) Todd, Lance, Fred, and Pietro are sitting around trying to find ways to waste time till Mystique and Tabitha come back from grocery shopping.   
  
Lance- Man this is SO lame...There's nothin' to do!  
Fred- Yeah! *Slams fridge door* ...And there's nothing to eat either!  
Lance- *Wistfully* Not like the X-Geeks place! That place is loaded!  
Todd- How do they pay for that place and all that cool stuff anyway?  
Lance- *Scratches chin* Don't know  
Todd- I bet Xavier rips a whole bunch of people off! Like makin' 'em hand over their money then think they lost their wallets!  
Pietro- Yeah right! He wouldn't do something THAT stupid!  
Fred- Then how do they get all that money?  
  
*Everyone stops and thinks for a minute*  
  
Lance- I got it!  
Fred- *Curious* Well?!  
Lance- You know how Xavier's always looking for new recruits? I bet he's got a huge sweatshop under the place and all the new recruits have to make immatation designer wallets and purses for some stupid European Counter-fitter.  
  
*Imagination scenquence --- Deep under Xavier 's School*  
  
Xavier- *Holding a whip* Work! Harder! Faster!  
Kitty- *With a grossly over-exaggerated figure (this IS Lance's daydream after all)* Ow! My like fingers hurt! Why are we doing this again?  
Kurt.- *Who looks like a buck-toothed Hill-Billy (Again ... Lance's daydream)* Dahhhh...To pay for our room and board.  
Xavier- No talking!!! *Precedes to beat Kurt with the whip, laughing insanely all the while*  
Jean- I'm done! *Hands basket of wallets over to the Professor*  
Xavier- Wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong!!!  
Jean- But I did them all perfectly!  
Xavier- That's the point fool! These over priced wallets must fall apart so that the poor, stupid people of inferior nations must buy more of our faulty wallets at grossly inflated prices!   
Rouge- *Sweatdrop*   
Scott- *Starts beating those giant kettle drums you only see on old world slave ships*  
Xavier- Now get to work slaves!   
All the students- *Sobbing -- But continue working*  
Xavier- *Laughs some more*  
  
*End imagination scenquence*  
  
Lance- Yeah! That's got to be what happens!  
Pietro- *Snickers* Dude! Xavier isn't that psycho... *Suddenly sounding unsure*...Or is he?  
Fred and Todd- *Shrug*  
Lance- *Stands up and exclaiming* That's GOT to be how he gets all that cash!  
Pietro- *Snorts* If your SO sure, why don't you go check it out?!  
Lance- What do ya mean?  
Pietro- Go to the high school and ask the X-Geeks! If you're right, I'll give you twenty bucks!  
Lance- *Smirks* Easiest money I ever made! *Leaves* SUCKZ!  
Todd- *Shakes head* Pietro, bet ya twenty he comes back with two black eyes  
Pietro- Deal!   
  
*An hour passes*  
  
Lance- *Walks back in, thoroughly bruised* Nope ... That isn't it  
Todd- Darn! No black eyes! You suck Lance! *Hands a twenty over to Pietro*  
Lance- SHUT-UP FROG BOY!!! *Now thoroughly annoyed* How does Xavier get all that money?!!  
  
*Everyone sits back and thinks again*  
  
Todd- *Lightbulb* I got it! He robs banks!  
Everyone else- WHAT?!  
Todd- Easy! He goes in and hypnotizes the bank mangers, then wipes their memories! Then he just wheels himself out of there with loads of cash in his lap!  
  
*Imagination scenquence --- First National Bank in Bayville*  
  
Xavier- I would like to see the bank manger please  
Guard- *Who looks really stupid (We know the Brotherhoods view of the police)* Yes sir! The manager is always willing to meet a greatly respected, and honest man like yourself!  
Xavier- *Sneers as he wheels himself into the manager's office*  
Bank manager- Ah! Professor Xavier! So great to meet such a man of your great renown!  
Xavier- *Hypnotizes bank manger* Now get me a million dollars in unmarked bills slave!  
Bank manger- *In that monotone slave voice* Ye~s mas~ter *Hands money over*  
Xavier- BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *Laughs wickedly before high-tailing it outside where he meets the X-Men  
Scott- *Taking a giant sack of money* Isn't this wrong professor?  
Evan- Yeah! I mean, Isn't using our abilities to commit crimes against everything we stand for?  
Xavier- Silence slaves! Money is what we need to help out the world...and pay for my new Platinum covered hover-throne!! *Precedes to brain wash the X-Men who drag money away*  
Scott and Evan- Ye~s Pro~fessor!  
  
*End imagination scenquence*  
  
Everyone else- ... *Sweatdrop*  
Fred- Does he really to that?  
Todd- Sounds a lot better then a stupid sweatshop plan...  
Pietro- Check it out Lance! *Mashicistic gleam in his eyes* Go ask some bank manger if he's seen Xavier! Mr. Clean would probably only change his memory ... not erase it!   
Lance- What's in it for me?  
Pietro- Double or nothin' on our last bet!  
Lance- Deal! *Walks out*  
Todd- What an Idiot!  
  
*Later ... at some bank*  
  
Lance- Let me see the manger  
Guard- Why?  
Lance- Just let me see 'em already!!  
Guard- ... Fine   
  
*Lance is lead to see the bank manager*  
  
Bank Manger- *Coldly* May I help you?  
Lance- Yeah! You know Xavier?  
Bank Manger- You mean Charles Xavier?! Why yes! He was here recently to withdraw a large amount of money from his account ...  
Lance- AH-HA! *Points accusatory finger* You fool! Don't you see what he's doing?!! *Grabs the Bank Manger's shoulders and begins shaking him* He's ripping you off, big time!!!  
Bank Manger- GUARDS!!!! *In really high pitched ultra wussy voice* I'M BEING ASSULTED!!! HEEELLLPP!  
Guards- *Appear and start to drag Lance away*  
Bank Manger- *Dusts himself off* Anyway he donated all that money to a charity to feed starving orphans in Ethiopia!!  
Lance- *Groans* You gotta be kiddin' me!!!  
  
*Lance then gets kicked out of the bank and returns home*  
  
Todd- So?  
Lance- *Grumbles then tosses Pietro two twenty dollar bills*  
Pietro- *Promptly stuffs cash into wallet* But If that's not it ...  
Lance- *Interrupts Pietro* THEN HOW DOES XAVIER GET ALL THAT CASH?!!!! *Clutches skull in agony* I MUST KNOW!!!!  
Pietro- Nah! That bank idea is too outlandish for the that guy! *Smirks* With all those fine looking ladies hanging around he's gotta be making money off them somehow!  
Lance- *Ears perk up* Whadda ya mean?  
Pietro- *Surprised by Lance's naivete* Oh man! You don't know? *Laughs* C'mon dude use that rock-filled crater of a brain of yours and think!  
  
*Imagination scenquence --- A darkly lit street corner in the red light district of Bayville*  
  
Ororo- *Calling out to a bunch of sailors while dressed in a super tight leather halter top and a short skirt* (Hey...this is the Botherhood flithy Imagination-Not ours!) Hey Sailor boys...lookin' for a good time? *Winks seductively*  
Random Sailor- Sure am! Say...how's about you and me go grab a couple of drinks and...  
Xavier- *Cutting in* She'd be more than happy to accompany you, but I'm afraid it'll cost you son. *Smiles at Sailor who reluctanly hands over some money to the Professor while another sailor approaches Jean*  
Other Sailor- Say Red will you... *Whispers something perverted in ear*  
Jean- *Fumming* You want me to do THAT for ONLY Thirty bucks?! *Sneers* I'm not that cheap scum bag! *Slaps him*  
Kitty- *Shivering from cold temperature and lack of sufficient clothing* Ummm...Professor? Like can we go home now? We've been out here all night...and we have school tomorrow!  
Xavier- *Raises fist in anger* Silence miserable wench! You're done when I say you're done !  
Kitty- *Starts crying*  
Xavier- *Yelling at Kitty* Get back to entertaining your customers or I'll give you something to cry about!   
  
*Kitty then goes off with a bunch of guys and Jean. Meanwhile the Professor starts to count his money*  
  
*End Imagination scenquence*  
  
*All the guys are wide eyed and drooling over mental images of girls in scanty clothing*  
  
Lance- *With the widest smuck-ish grin possible* I think I'll check this out...You know...to see if it's true *Exits*  
Todd- Hold on Lance I'll...ummm...watch your back! *Rattles off a shabby excuse* You never what those X-Geeks got up their sleeves ya know!  
Pietro- *Also with a leacherous grin* Yeah! We're all in this together...All for one and one for all, right guys? *Sprints outta there*  
Fred- *Bringing up the rear* Hey! Wait for me!  
  
*Hours later*  
  
Tabitha- *Comes through the door cheerfully carrying groceries* Oh Honey, I'm Hom~e! *Casts a glare at the boys-who are battered beyond recongnition* What happened to you guys?!  
Pietro- *Nursing a myriad of injuries incurred by asking the X-Gals about their 'After School Jobs'* Don't ask.*Groans*  
Lance- ...*Smacks himself with his hand* And after all that trouble we've been through and we still don't know how that old goat makes all that money!  
Tabitha- *Whinces nose* Gee...for a bunch coach potatoes you guys sure miss alot!  
Fred- What are you talking about Taby?  
Mystique- She's referring to the Professor and Jean Greys' new informercial *Turns on TV which is running an ad with the X-Men in it*  
  
*The BOM boys crowd around TV and stare at it intensely*  
  
Jean- Are you looking for answers to your questions about the future? Unsure of where you're life is heading? *Camera pans over to Rouge*  
Rouge- *Unentustaically* Gosh...I'm just so unsure of where my life is heading!  
Evan- *Walks in and speaks in the flattest voice possible* Yeah, me too! *Camera goes back to Jean*  
Jean- Uncertain about your finances? Career? Romance? *Camera switches to Scott*  
Scott- *Peering into an empty wallet* Will I ever have enough money to take a decent spring break?   
*Camera switches to Kurt who it twiddling his fingers nervously*  
Kurt- *Sighing* Will I ever find out how Kit...*Blushes*...I mean...a certain special someone feels about me? *Camera switches to Logan*  
Logan- *Rolling eyes* Should I change my job?  
Jean- If you have questions like these we can help! Call the Charles Xavier and Jean Grey Pyschic Hotline today! *Camera pans over to the Proffessor*  
Xavier- It's a call that could change your life! *Smiles and shoots audience a cheesy grin*  
  
Pietro- Well! *scrathces head* We were way off!  
Toad- *Shruggs* How's about we call 'em and see what they say?  
Lance- *Wiggling with anticpation* Maybe they can tell me if Kitty will go out with me!  
Fred- Me first! Me First!  
  
*They all dive for the phone*  
  
Tabitha- Hey Mysty, should we tell 'em it costs $3.99 a minute?  
Mystique- No let the fools figure it out....*Snickers loudly as the boys start tearing at each other in order to grab the phone* 


End file.
